Geoffrey Hooper has an objection.

I can't sleep and I don't know why I just lie awake for hours and hours and think about the shop being on fire even though it didn't actually catch on fire but if it was on fire that would be pretty awesome but then it would be on fire so it would suck lots but when I have to "wake up" and get to work I have to drink lots of coffee because otherwise I won't know what the fuck the customers actually want because I accidentally gave someone beetle eyes when they were asking for I can't even remember now it could have been belladonna though I'm pretty sure it wasn't so don't stress it's okay or at least it should be okay.

Fuck.

That sentence was long.

I hate Wednesday mornings. It's the morning I get the owl with my Prophet subscription that attempts to EAT ME alive drop off my paper and if I ain't up early enough, he bloody tries to peck my nose right off. I don't even know how the nasty bugger gets in, 'cause I swear I leave my window closed (I mean, duh. It's still too fucking cold).

Must have super powers. And drink lots of milk. I don't know - beaks are the equivalent of teeth, yeah?

I reckon payday is coming up. I think I should treat my sexy girls Katie, Alicia and Angelina to something like a drink. YES or YES?

Why do people say they NEED in a life or death tone regarding things they don't actually need, they just want badly? Like, "I NEED chocolate" or "I NEED sex"? Especially the latter, because what are people expected to do? Say, "Oh, yeah? I can give you sex. All night long, baby."

Awkward, much?

So last night I was just chillin' and this epic, profound thought came upon me. And I sat up. And I realised...




WHOA.

I'm a fucking genius.

( it's days like these that make us happy like a puppy getting lucky with lassie )